I read the sentence over and over again. Ironically it is 2:48AM, and I miss him more than words can say. I looked up at my nonexistent baby bump and felt the tears clouding my vision. How can I miss someone who left me when I needed him more than anyone else? How can I miss someone who lied to me and left me stranded? How can I miss a guy who got me knocked up without marriage? How can I miss a guy who promised me love, marriage and a life full of happiness but instead ruined my life?
No matter what I do, and no matter what happens my life cannot get worse. I tossed and turned in bed, but it was all useless. I couldn't sleep even if my life depended on it. Tomorrow is a big day and I need as much rest as I can get. I told my parents that I was travelling with my friends, and I am but not for a vacation. I'm going to Egypt to get an abortion. I'm not as good of a girl as everyone thinks. You see it all started when I wanted to rebel against my parents, a couple of years ago. When we all looked much younger than we are.
Flashback:
Flashback:
Akrah omi w oboy w akrah keef y3amloni! Akrah kef y7son el7yat bes 3nhom w 3n mshaklhom els5efa!
Nora: Maryam, you will regret this.
I exhaled loudly, while putting on my lipstick. When will my friend get that I don't have the perfect little family she has?!
Maryam: Nora, 7bebti esm3eni ana ma 3endi ahal yrboni, fahma? Ana 3ndi om sh3'lt'ha 3zaym w sfr m3 9degat w akbr hmomha swara Van Cleef w slsal Cartier w sa3h Rolex. Alzm ma 3leha elwald y36eha flos, w m36ya bagi 7yat'ha 9'hrha.. W oboy? Allaah ha4a salfa thanya! Mstans m3 zojta elthanya w mskt omi blflos wl7oreya eli m36eha iyaha! W a5wani kln lahi b7yata m3 azwaja w 3yala, walla lw a6l3 mn elbet shahr w arj3 ma7d dra 3ni.
Nora: bla hbl 3ndk ana, w aked yhtmon fek.
Maryam: ee omy tdg 3la elsh3'ala tet2akad eny 3aysha.
Nora: 6yb y3ny bt6l3en m3 ha4a wsh esma? Ahh ee Fawaz!
Maryam: ee b6l3 m3ah, mo 3nad knt a3and al7in 7beta.
Nora: 7beteh mnjd?
Maryam: ee! 7beta. W hwa m36eni el7nan wl ehtemam eli m7d mn ahali m36eni eyah.
Nora: walla ana mo mrta7a lh, abdn.
Maryam: 3omrk ma ert7ti elshy enti a9ln!
Nora: Maryam 3shani la t6l3en m3ah e7sasi ygoli ena ha4e mo fat7at 5eer!
Maryam: yarbeh mnk! Bye ana b6l3 w enti 5lek 3la glbk eli y36ek e7sask.
Nora: take care, don't let him take advantage of you.
Nora: take care, don't let him take advantage of you.
Back to reality.
If only I had listened to her at the time, if only. Then things would've been a whole lot different, but what's meant to be will be. So no use in regretting now, the deed is done. My god I was so stupid to give up as easy as that to him. To think that I trusted him!
Flashback:
Nora: Maryam lw sm7ti bts7ben 3ly 3shan Fawaz?!
Maryam: Nora walla Fawaz jay elriya9' bes youmen w byro7 enty 3ndy 6ol elwagt.
Nora: I still don't trust him.
Maryam: it's been 5 years, yalla 3ad elwld walla 7lel w y7bny! B3den tra mo awl mrra a6l3 m3h!
Nora: 3arfa bes hlmrra e7sasi ygol m7a t3di 3la 5er!
Maryam: e7sask ha4a ma ysht3'l ela lma ykon Fawaz blsalfa!
Nora: l2ni mo mrta7tla, mn elbdaya.
Maryam: Nora shofy ana mo nfs elbzr eli 5awtah when she was 17! I'm 22 now, and I think I'm old enough to know el9a7 mn el3'l6 w kman la tnsen eno al7in t5rjt mn eljam3h w 9arlh hwa ysht3'l snten fa w9'3na al7in bltmam, b3den wha gal jay ygoli 5br 7lo, akeed by56bni!
Nora: yarab yarab tkonen enti el9a7 w ana el3'l6.
I went out with him that day, and that's when everything went from great to terrible.
~
Maryam: Fawaz, la! Tkfa!
Fawaz: 6yb leh ya Maryam? Ana a7bk w b56bk 3adi.
Maryam: hw la aked mob 3adi!
Fawaz: lesh 6yb?!
Maryam: L2na 7ram!
Fawaz: bes e7na n7b b39' w bntzwj mar7 tfrg! W a9ln mo 3la kefk.
~
Letni mt gbl a6l3 m3ah 4ak elyom.
Letni mswya 7adith gbl aw9l bet'h!
Letni w esh yfed al7in letni w ana ent'hk 3r9'i w shrfi w engl3 w trkni.
Ana el7mara eli ma knt asm3 klam Nora!
I walked into the empty huge mansion I call home, and screamed the loudest I could. I wanted to let out my anger. No amount of screaming could help. As if sensing how much I needed her, my phone rang.
'Nora'
My perfect little friend, she doesn't need my problems, or my messed up life! I always drag her into those stupid issues, and she always sticks around to help. This time I decided that I won't tell her about anything.
I went up to my bedroom and slept for the longest time I could after I showered and practically scrubbed my skin off. I woke up sore, heartbroken and most of all scared. What the hell did I get myself into?! I wasn't supposed to end up like this. I did end up like this and this is my fault.
I cried relentlessly for days, and the maid who has been my nanny for 20 years, also she was always like a mother. Came into my room, to snap me out of the dark hole I buried myself into. She even threatened to call my mom and she knew how much I didn't want that.
Christina: ya habibti ya Maryam, why you cry? Tell me, what happen that boy he break up with you?
I nodded, and burst into more tears while hugging her.
Christina: why you cry over him? He is not good. He left you, and you're the most beautiful girl.
Maryam: I'm not crying over him, I'm into so much trouble Christina. If mama and baba find out they will kill me.
Christina: why what did you do?!
Maryam: Christina, he ra-hiccup-ped me.
I heard a gasp and a liquid spill from someone at the door. I looked up, and it was Nora.
Nora: HE DID WHAT! THIS IS WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ANSWERING MY CALLS?!
Maryam: Nora please la t39ben!
Nora: ela b39b! Leh ma tgolenly!
Maryam: l2n elsalfa tfshl! Ana knt 3'bya! I didn't listen to you and you warned me continuously and I ignored you. I thought he loved me.
I went back to crying, now harder than ever. Christina put her hands over her head, and started mumbling some curses in Filipino. I've been around her long enough to understand some of her language.
Nora: ya weli! Sweti t7lel?
Maryam: t7lel wsho?
Nora: t7lel ha4a shsma 7g ele3'te9ab!
Maryam: la 6b3n!
Nora: wsho eli la2 6b3n mjnona enti mfro9' r7ti w bl3'ti w sweti t7lel!
Maryam: aha, aro7 abl3' w ana eli ray7tla bnafsi? B3den men a9ln by9dgni?!
Nora: ana a9dgk! Yarabeh al7in it's too late.
Maryam: oh my god!! OHMYGOD! Sh*t sh*t sh*t!
Nora: wsho??
Maryam: Nora lw knt 7amil??
Nora fainted, and Christina slapped her hands on her face.
Christina: ya allah enti ya mjnona al7in i7na esh nsawy?
I lost all connection with the reality I'm living and stared literally at nothing.
Back to Reality.
I wiped the tears off my damp cheeks, it became a routine for me to cry almost everyday since I found out that I'm actually pregnant. I hated the fact that that my recklessness brought this human being into the world. This baby doesn't deserve me, and I certainly don't deserve being put in this situation. Well I kind of do.
My phone rung, and I jumped awake. It was my mother calling, really mama at 3 AM?
Maryam: alo?
Mother: hala, 7bbty shlonk sh5bark?
Maryam: kwysa el7mdellah.
Mother: Maryam mama shftlk 4ek elbracelet fe Van Cleef allah bes tjnen! Tbenha mama?
Maryam: eli wdk mama!
Mother: 5la9 bjeblk eyaha.
I exhaled, a bit too loudly. I didn't need another bracelet that costs more than my university education, I needed a mother but she didn't understand that concept. At least when it came to me she didn't. I needed her home after I got raped, I needed her lap to rest my head on and cry on. My mother is a kind woman I know that, but I also know that her priorities aren't exactly me and my life.
Mother: ee w Maryam mama tben shan6at chanel wla Hermes? T3rfen 3ad ana fe Paris fa 8rart bshtri only french brands.
And she laughed, I laughed too. I felt a strange feeling of security when she called. After I heard her voice, I felt a comfort that I only get when I talk to her. She may have not been much of a mother for the past 22 years, but she is still my mother.
Maryam: eli wdk mama, w lw ykonon elthnen a7la w a7la!
Mother: aked w ana 3ndi a3'la mn Maryam!
I smiled, my mother did love me.
Maryam: mama, meta jayya?
Mother: walla knt bji bokra bes damk msafra m3 elbnat shkli bmded sfrti thlath asabee3.
I laughed internally, like it mattered if I was home or not. I appreciated the effort though.
Maryam: 5la9 ajl, ashofk b3d thlath asabe3!
Mother: Maryam leeh ma tjen 3ndi?
Maryam: hah? la mama ana msh3'ola m3 tgdem 3la w9'ayf w ki4a.
Mother: eeh.
I hung up after our routine 'i love you' s.
I woke up the next day with huge black bags under my eyes. I put on sweatpants and a shirt that said 'I woke up like this', hah how suiting. I slipped on my hermes slippers, my huge sunglasses, and picked my huge tote. I went down, and went straight into the car. Christina followed me into the car with a sandwhich.
Christina: Mimi, please eat something.
Maryam: Christina mabi, b3den wsh hal ree7a el5aysa!
Christina: wsho ree7a kaysa? Enti kaysa!
Maryam: Christina please, mabi akl.
Christina: you have to because you...
She pointed at my stomach with her eyes.
Maryam: a9ln ana ya Christina msafra 3shan ma y9er..
And I also pointed at my stomach with my eyes.
Flashback:
Nora: Maryam lw sm7ti bts7ben 3ly 3shan Fawaz?!
Maryam: Nora walla Fawaz jay elriya9' bes youmen w byro7 enty 3ndy 6ol elwagt.
Nora: I still don't trust him.
Maryam: it's been 5 years, yalla 3ad elwld walla 7lel w y7bny! B3den tra mo awl mrra a6l3 m3h!
Nora: 3arfa bes hlmrra e7sasi ygol m7a t3di 3la 5er!
Maryam: e7sask ha4a ma ysht3'l ela lma ykon Fawaz blsalfa!
Nora: l2ni mo mrta7tla, mn elbdaya.
Maryam: Nora shofy ana mo nfs elbzr eli 5awtah when she was 17! I'm 22 now, and I think I'm old enough to know el9a7 mn el3'l6 w kman la tnsen eno al7in t5rjt mn eljam3h w 9arlh hwa ysht3'l snten fa w9'3na al7in bltmam, b3den wha gal jay ygoli 5br 7lo, akeed by56bni!
Nora: yarab yarab tkonen enti el9a7 w ana el3'l6.
I went out with him that day, and that's when everything went from great to terrible.
~
Maryam: Fawaz, la! Tkfa!
Fawaz: 6yb leh ya Maryam? Ana a7bk w b56bk 3adi.
Maryam: hw la aked mob 3adi!
Fawaz: lesh 6yb?!
Maryam: L2na 7ram!
Fawaz: bes e7na n7b b39' w bntzwj mar7 tfrg! W a9ln mo 3la kefk.
~
Letni mt gbl a6l3 m3ah 4ak elyom.
Letni mswya 7adith gbl aw9l bet'h!
Letni w esh yfed al7in letni w ana ent'hk 3r9'i w shrfi w engl3 w trkni.
Ana el7mara eli ma knt asm3 klam Nora!
I walked into the empty huge mansion I call home, and screamed the loudest I could. I wanted to let out my anger. No amount of screaming could help. As if sensing how much I needed her, my phone rang.
'Nora'
My perfect little friend, she doesn't need my problems, or my messed up life! I always drag her into those stupid issues, and she always sticks around to help. This time I decided that I won't tell her about anything.
I went up to my bedroom and slept for the longest time I could after I showered and practically scrubbed my skin off. I woke up sore, heartbroken and most of all scared. What the hell did I get myself into?! I wasn't supposed to end up like this. I did end up like this and this is my fault.
I cried relentlessly for days, and the maid who has been my nanny for 20 years, also she was always like a mother. Came into my room, to snap me out of the dark hole I buried myself into. She even threatened to call my mom and she knew how much I didn't want that.
Christina: ya habibti ya Maryam, why you cry? Tell me, what happen that boy he break up with you?
I nodded, and burst into more tears while hugging her.
Christina: why you cry over him? He is not good. He left you, and you're the most beautiful girl.
Maryam: I'm not crying over him, I'm into so much trouble Christina. If mama and baba find out they will kill me.
Christina: why what did you do?!
Maryam: Christina, he ra-hiccup-ped me.
I heard a gasp and a liquid spill from someone at the door. I looked up, and it was Nora.
Nora: HE DID WHAT! THIS IS WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ANSWERING MY CALLS?!
Maryam: Nora please la t39ben!
Nora: ela b39b! Leh ma tgolenly!
Maryam: l2n elsalfa tfshl! Ana knt 3'bya! I didn't listen to you and you warned me continuously and I ignored you. I thought he loved me.
I went back to crying, now harder than ever. Christina put her hands over her head, and started mumbling some curses in Filipino. I've been around her long enough to understand some of her language.
Nora: ya weli! Sweti t7lel?
Maryam: t7lel wsho?
Nora: t7lel ha4a shsma 7g ele3'te9ab!
Maryam: la 6b3n!
Nora: wsho eli la2 6b3n mjnona enti mfro9' r7ti w bl3'ti w sweti t7lel!
Maryam: aha, aro7 abl3' w ana eli ray7tla bnafsi? B3den men a9ln by9dgni?!
Nora: ana a9dgk! Yarabeh al7in it's too late.
Maryam: oh my god!! OHMYGOD! Sh*t sh*t sh*t!
Nora: wsho??
Maryam: Nora lw knt 7amil??
Nora fainted, and Christina slapped her hands on her face.
Christina: ya allah enti ya mjnona al7in i7na esh nsawy?
I lost all connection with the reality I'm living and stared literally at nothing.
Back to Reality.
I wiped the tears off my damp cheeks, it became a routine for me to cry almost everyday since I found out that I'm actually pregnant. I hated the fact that that my recklessness brought this human being into the world. This baby doesn't deserve me, and I certainly don't deserve being put in this situation. Well I kind of do.
My phone rung, and I jumped awake. It was my mother calling, really mama at 3 AM?
Maryam: alo?
Mother: hala, 7bbty shlonk sh5bark?
Maryam: kwysa el7mdellah.
Mother: Maryam mama shftlk 4ek elbracelet fe Van Cleef allah bes tjnen! Tbenha mama?
Maryam: eli wdk mama!
Mother: 5la9 bjeblk eyaha.
I exhaled, a bit too loudly. I didn't need another bracelet that costs more than my university education, I needed a mother but she didn't understand that concept. At least when it came to me she didn't. I needed her home after I got raped, I needed her lap to rest my head on and cry on. My mother is a kind woman I know that, but I also know that her priorities aren't exactly me and my life.
Mother: ee w Maryam mama tben shan6at chanel wla Hermes? T3rfen 3ad ana fe Paris fa 8rart bshtri only french brands.
And she laughed, I laughed too. I felt a strange feeling of security when she called. After I heard her voice, I felt a comfort that I only get when I talk to her. She may have not been much of a mother for the past 22 years, but she is still my mother.
Maryam: eli wdk mama, w lw ykonon elthnen a7la w a7la!
Mother: aked w ana 3ndi a3'la mn Maryam!
I smiled, my mother did love me.
Maryam: mama, meta jayya?
Mother: walla knt bji bokra bes damk msafra m3 elbnat shkli bmded sfrti thlath asabee3.
I laughed internally, like it mattered if I was home or not. I appreciated the effort though.
Maryam: 5la9 ajl, ashofk b3d thlath asabe3!
Mother: Maryam leeh ma tjen 3ndi?
Maryam: hah? la mama ana msh3'ola m3 tgdem 3la w9'ayf w ki4a.
Mother: eeh.
I hung up after our routine 'i love you' s.
I woke up the next day with huge black bags under my eyes. I put on sweatpants and a shirt that said 'I woke up like this', hah how suiting. I slipped on my hermes slippers, my huge sunglasses, and picked my huge tote. I went down, and went straight into the car. Christina followed me into the car with a sandwhich.
Christina: Mimi, please eat something.
Maryam: Christina mabi, b3den wsh hal ree7a el5aysa!
Christina: wsho ree7a kaysa? Enti kaysa!
Maryam: Christina please, mabi akl.
Christina: you have to because you...
She pointed at my stomach with her eyes.
Maryam: a9ln ana ya Christina msafra 3shan ma y9er..
And I also pointed at my stomach with my eyes.
Christina: enti mjnona walla rbi y76k nar!
Maryam: hw wsho rbi y76ni nar!
Christina: ento muslim ygol ha4a mwt baby 7ram!
Maryam: ha4a mo baby, ha4a mo9eba!
Christina shook her head.
Christina: enti mo9eba, yalla Nora eji.
I smiled at her.
Maryam: hw wsho rbi y76ni nar!
Christina: ento muslim ygol ha4a mwt baby 7ram!
Maryam: ha4a mo baby, ha4a mo9eba!
Christina shook her head.
Christina: enti mo9eba, yalla Nora eji.
I smiled at her.
Nora went into the car and slammed the door shut.
Maryam: allah allah, shfeh el7lo m39b?
Nora: wld 3mti dg 3la oboy, galh ab56b Nora!! W oboy gal ha4e elsa3a elmbaraka!
Maryam: m39ba leeh??
Nora: allah ysalmk, ha4a wld 3mti ma54 mglb bnfsa, w shen, w snona 9afra, w sh3ra 6wel mzyt, 9ra7a tgrft w ana a7akek. Hw yalla mo3taz wsh feek ro7 ma6ar!!!
Motaz: enshallah, 3amity Nora.
I laughed silently at Nora's nagging. She hated her dad's side, and no one should blame her. They always hated her mother, and tried to turn her dad against them.
Maryam: agoul erf9'eh!
Nora: la walla? 3la asas oboy byrf9' wld e5ta!
Maryam: akeed y3ny enti ma tbena mo lazm!
Nora: oboy ma 9dg ena wld e5ta el3zeza el7beba eli g3dt 9'da 6ol 3omraha 3shan zwaja mn omi, tbeni ana Nora elwldha.
Maryam: walla ya bnt el7lal klshy bldenya yhon.
Nora: ya allah! Asfa! Shofeny at7l6m 3la moshklti w hya ya 93'rha 3ndk!
Maryam: la please nset 3n nfsi w mo9eebti elftra!!
Nora: ya bnt el7lal ana m6mna mn eli bnsweh, trah 7ram...
Maryam: Nora ana mar7 ajeb hlno9eba 3la eldnya w a5leha tt34b!
I whispered the last part so Moataz wouldn't hear.
Maryam: agol Mo3taz, swa Sami check in llshn6?
Mo3taz: ewa ya 3ammah.
I nodded absent-mindedly.
~
I sipped my latté while staring at the sea in front of me, trying to tune out the world.
Nora: alo?? E5tii 9a7ya entii? W9lti 7lm rgm sb3-63sh shklk!
Maryam: hah? 7lm rgm 20 w enti el9dga a7sn 10 mrat mn elwa83 elzbala 7agi.
Nora: goli el7amdellah ya bnt el7lal, ha4a 89'a2 w 8adar!
Maryam: allouhma la e3tera9'... Ahh.. Elmohem bokra mow3di, btjen m3i?
Nora: la abad jarrah nfsi elm9r 3shan ana9'r elmana9'er el5laba, wsh rayk y3ny??
Maryam: asfa asfa so2al 3'bi 3rfah.
Nora: elmohem, gomi gomi 5n nro7 nmshi 3la elb7r..
Maryam: ok! Yarabi mshtahya sandwhich jobna m3 mraba!
Nora: bdena 7rkat elw7m??
Maryam: 7amel w y7gli!
And for a moment there, everything felt normal even though nothing about me was normal.
~
I was tapping my foot slightly while sitting on the clinic's waiting chair. I had black sunglasses covering half of my face, so no one would recognize me. Nora was walking back and forth relentlessly, driving almost everyone in the clinic insane.
?: m3lesh e5ti momkin twgfen t'hzrn jals'h twtreni w ana jay hena bdon monasaba.
My heart was stuck in my throat thumping loudly, sh*t s3oudy!
Maryam: ok..
It was a safe answer so he wouldn't know where I'm from. After waiting for a couple of hours, I was way too tired and angry. I went up to the receptionist, and asked her why my appointment was delayed.
Nurse: m3lesh ya madame howa a9ln e7na ma 3ndna ela 3'orfa wa7da w eldiktoor eltani mt6w3 fa bydrs el7ala blawl..
Doctor: erm Nawal!
Nurse: ewa ya basha?
Doctor: km mrra agolk ana ma amsk 7alat elejha9'?!
She smacked her palm over her mouth.
Maryam: m3lesh bes ana mst3jla!
In my hurry to do this, I didn't realize that the doctor is actually Saudi.
Doctor: m3lesh e5ti bes momkin td5len el3yada w ntklm shwy?
I was shaking, and scared shitless to put it mildly.
~
In the Doctor's office I was shaking to a degree, that it looks as if I'm put on vibrate.
Doctor: m3lesh e5ti momkin ttrkena l7alna?
Nora gave me a nervous look. I nodded, even though I was nervous I felt safe. I know that this sounds crazy, but it's oddly the truth.
Maryam: shof doctor, lw sm7t 6lbtk la trdni, ent shklk ensan mo7tram w glbk aby9', 6lbtk estr 3ly w la tf9'7ni.
Doctor: akeed, la t5afeen. Bes ana 3ndi 6lb b3d..
Maryam: eli tbeh!
Doctor: la tsg6en eli bb6nk!
Maryam: eli tbeh ela ha4i, doctor tbi ahali y4b7oni?! Ana mo mtzwja ent 3arf esh y3ny ana mo mtzwja y3ny ha4a eli fe b6ni wld 7ram w ra7 y4b7oni ahali gbl la akml 7ta thlath sh'hor lw dro!
Doctor: bes eli btswena 7ram..
Maryam: bes ana kman ma 3ndi 7al thani men elrjal eli ra7 yr9'a bbnt mo3't9ba w 7amil?!
And just like that I burst into tears.
Doctor: ana...
With that being said, I gasped a loud gasp and hiccuped out of shock. What on earth did he just say?!
Maryam: hah?
Docto: esm3eni, ana rjal 3omri 32 sana, I have never thought about marriage, a5i4 ejaza mn dwami blmstashfa Alflani, 3shan aro7 at6w3 bMostaw9fat zy ha4a m7tajen doctors ysht3'lon, w 9ra7a ana ma ar9'a bl7ram bes e7sasi ygouli enk bnt 7lal w eno salftk tfsr kl shay 9ayrlk.. B3den ana ensan mo2men fe en mafe shy 9odfa, y3ny mktob lk tjen ha4i el3yada flyom eli ana mt6w3 feh, w mktob ly ana eni atzwjk w astr 3lek. shofi ya bnt el7lal ana mst3d atzwj w astr 3lek w a5lek trben elwld ha4a bes la tsg6ena, la trtkben ethm fe ro7 rbi ba3'i enha t9er mwjoda 3la hlkon. Esm3i, fkri bklami w e4a ma e8tan3ti ana mar7 akon mdawm bokra w fe doctor mdawm mkani 3shan ymdek tswen el3mlya. W e4a e8tn3ti ha4a elhotel eli ana saken feh. T3ali elsa3a 2 bkon atn9'rk blLobby, w jebi 9degtk m3k. W e4a ma jeti, tra 3adi mtfahm..
I took the hotel's card from his hand while my mouth was wide open. Is this real? I went out of his office, still shocked from what he told me. Could I do it? My hand subconsciously fell to my stomach. I think I actually could. Nora saw my shocked face, and automatically assumed that he threatened to tell my parents but I quickly explained everything he said, and her face suddenly brightened with happiness!
Nora: Maryam! Ha4a elrjal mrsol lk mn rbi! La trf9'en 6lba!
I was still too shocked for words, was she actually serious?! I'm a used girl, who's pregnant, bl7ram.
Maryam: 9a7ya enti?!
Nora: ee 9a7ya million blmeya enti eli mo 9a7ya! Agolk ha4a mrsol lk mn rbi 3shan ystr 3lek w ymn3k mn el7ram, ya Maryam ha4a howa el9a7!
I rubbed my hands on my face, and massaged my temples.
Maryam: mdre mdre! 5alena nakil w arj3 elhotel w ast5eer w ashof.
And I did, and everything in me was screaming do it, except my heart. I was scared that this offer wasn't out of the goodness of his heart, that he maybe wanted something from me. Then again he could take anything he wanted of me, my family's money, my family's connections, what he's doing is much more than anything money could ever buy. So I have finally come to a decision..
~
Nora: Doctor Mansour!
I laughed it was the 5oth time she was trying to say his name..
Maryam: salamat mama? Wsho l3ba howa?
Nora: la bes fkri feha! Mansour w Maryam! You're names match!
Maryam: they do, almost as if we are meant to be and all that crap.
Nora: it's not crap, you are meant to be.
Maryam: walaaiiin bdena enti b3d!
Nora: gomi gomi, mo howa galna bynt9'rna blLobby?
Maryam: ee!
Nora: ajl yalla mn hena!
~
I exhaled and inhaled a little too many times, today was my wedding day, and we're exactly a month and 2 weeks after the day me and Dr.Mansour met. My mother was shocked when she learned that I wanted to get married, but I'm her only daughter so she was extremely ecstatic. She planned every last detail of the wedding and I couldn't be happier because I couldn't care less what color were the flowers, and what shape was the wedding cake, but it was all what my mother cared about. And that made me happy.
I sat on the Kosha, smiling my bright signature smile. Even though I didn't give my mother a lot of time to plan this wedding but she sure has out done herself. She booked a huge wedding hall, and hired the most famous and expensive wedding planners and yet somehow everything worked out perfectly. After 3 days, we are heading to the United states to live there until I give birth so no one would notice anything.
~
7 months later, I had a beautiful baby girl and we named her 'Malak'. We came back to Saudi without telling anyone, and what everyone on the outside knew was that I delivered a premature baby that died on birth. So, one day after Malak was a month old Mansour took her to the nearest mosque and put her beside the door, in a basket. After the prayer ended, the men went out and a lot of commotion happened.
Man #1: ya rbi ya kareem, el6f bna.
Man #2: ya 7ram, meen by3tni feha ha4i?
Mansour: ana! Tkfon ana! Zojti wldt gbl wgtaha w twft bntna w mtshfgen 3la bnt, 5loni arbeha!
And we did raise her. I got to keep my daughter, and marry a man who loved me and I loved. No one else ever knew.
xo
The point of this story is to never lose hope, no matter how big of a problem you're facing somewhere out there is always a solution.
Maryam: shof doctor, lw sm7t 6lbtk la trdni, ent shklk ensan mo7tram w glbk aby9', 6lbtk estr 3ly w la tf9'7ni.
Doctor: akeed, la t5afeen. Bes ana 3ndi 6lb b3d..
Maryam: eli tbeh!
Doctor: la tsg6en eli bb6nk!
Maryam: eli tbeh ela ha4i, doctor tbi ahali y4b7oni?! Ana mo mtzwja ent 3arf esh y3ny ana mo mtzwja y3ny ha4a eli fe b6ni wld 7ram w ra7 y4b7oni ahali gbl la akml 7ta thlath sh'hor lw dro!
Doctor: bes eli btswena 7ram..
Maryam: bes ana kman ma 3ndi 7al thani men elrjal eli ra7 yr9'a bbnt mo3't9ba w 7amil?!
And just like that I burst into tears.
Doctor: ana...
With that being said, I gasped a loud gasp and hiccuped out of shock. What on earth did he just say?!
Maryam: hah?
Docto: esm3eni, ana rjal 3omri 32 sana, I have never thought about marriage, a5i4 ejaza mn dwami blmstashfa Alflani, 3shan aro7 at6w3 bMostaw9fat zy ha4a m7tajen doctors ysht3'lon, w 9ra7a ana ma ar9'a bl7ram bes e7sasi ygouli enk bnt 7lal w eno salftk tfsr kl shay 9ayrlk.. B3den ana ensan mo2men fe en mafe shy 9odfa, y3ny mktob lk tjen ha4i el3yada flyom eli ana mt6w3 feh, w mktob ly ana eni atzwjk w astr 3lek. shofi ya bnt el7lal ana mst3d atzwj w astr 3lek w a5lek trben elwld ha4a bes la tsg6ena, la trtkben ethm fe ro7 rbi ba3'i enha t9er mwjoda 3la hlkon. Esm3i, fkri bklami w e4a ma e8tan3ti ana mar7 akon mdawm bokra w fe doctor mdawm mkani 3shan ymdek tswen el3mlya. W e4a e8tn3ti ha4a elhotel eli ana saken feh. T3ali elsa3a 2 bkon atn9'rk blLobby, w jebi 9degtk m3k. W e4a ma jeti, tra 3adi mtfahm..
I took the hotel's card from his hand while my mouth was wide open. Is this real? I went out of his office, still shocked from what he told me. Could I do it? My hand subconsciously fell to my stomach. I think I actually could. Nora saw my shocked face, and automatically assumed that he threatened to tell my parents but I quickly explained everything he said, and her face suddenly brightened with happiness!
Nora: Maryam! Ha4a elrjal mrsol lk mn rbi! La trf9'en 6lba!
I was still too shocked for words, was she actually serious?! I'm a used girl, who's pregnant, bl7ram.
Maryam: 9a7ya enti?!
Nora: ee 9a7ya million blmeya enti eli mo 9a7ya! Agolk ha4a mrsol lk mn rbi 3shan ystr 3lek w ymn3k mn el7ram, ya Maryam ha4a howa el9a7!
I rubbed my hands on my face, and massaged my temples.
Maryam: mdre mdre! 5alena nakil w arj3 elhotel w ast5eer w ashof.
And I did, and everything in me was screaming do it, except my heart. I was scared that this offer wasn't out of the goodness of his heart, that he maybe wanted something from me. Then again he could take anything he wanted of me, my family's money, my family's connections, what he's doing is much more than anything money could ever buy. So I have finally come to a decision..
~
Nora: Doctor Mansour!
I laughed it was the 5oth time she was trying to say his name..
Maryam: salamat mama? Wsho l3ba howa?
Nora: la bes fkri feha! Mansour w Maryam! You're names match!
Maryam: they do, almost as if we are meant to be and all that crap.
Nora: it's not crap, you are meant to be.
Maryam: walaaiiin bdena enti b3d!
Nora: gomi gomi, mo howa galna bynt9'rna blLobby?
Maryam: ee!
Nora: ajl yalla mn hena!
~
I exhaled and inhaled a little too many times, today was my wedding day, and we're exactly a month and 2 weeks after the day me and Dr.Mansour met. My mother was shocked when she learned that I wanted to get married, but I'm her only daughter so she was extremely ecstatic. She planned every last detail of the wedding and I couldn't be happier because I couldn't care less what color were the flowers, and what shape was the wedding cake, but it was all what my mother cared about. And that made me happy.
I sat on the Kosha, smiling my bright signature smile. Even though I didn't give my mother a lot of time to plan this wedding but she sure has out done herself. She booked a huge wedding hall, and hired the most famous and expensive wedding planners and yet somehow everything worked out perfectly. After 3 days, we are heading to the United states to live there until I give birth so no one would notice anything.
~
7 months later, I had a beautiful baby girl and we named her 'Malak'. We came back to Saudi without telling anyone, and what everyone on the outside knew was that I delivered a premature baby that died on birth. So, one day after Malak was a month old Mansour took her to the nearest mosque and put her beside the door, in a basket. After the prayer ended, the men went out and a lot of commotion happened.
Man #1: ya rbi ya kareem, el6f bna.
Man #2: ya 7ram, meen by3tni feha ha4i?
Mansour: ana! Tkfon ana! Zojti wldt gbl wgtaha w twft bntna w mtshfgen 3la bnt, 5loni arbeha!
And we did raise her. I got to keep my daughter, and marry a man who loved me and I loved. No one else ever knew.
xo
The point of this story is to never lose hope, no matter how big of a problem you're facing somewhere out there is always a solution.
( وَلَسَوْفَ يُعْطِيكَ رَبُّكَ فَتَرْضَىٰ )
((فَقُلْتُ اسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ غَفَّارًا ))
( فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْراً * إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْراً )
